I Hate Mondays
by lilithtorch2
Summary: 3-part conclusion to "I Hate a Goddamn Whiner." Nick Fury, back to work from the weekend, makes an unpleasant discovery. However, the rest of SHIELD believes otherwise. Minor reference to Nucky/Sally Boardwalk Empire scene. Read with Neon Trees-"Everybody Talks." Natasha/Bucky, Black Widow/Winter Soldier, James/Natasha
1. Chapter 1

It was just a day like any other. And then Agent Coulson walked sheepishly to his office, rudely interrupting his morning.

"Sir?"

"Whatever you want to tell me, it better be damn good," Nick Fury hissed. He needed his coffee.

"Skye tells me that…there's been an incident." Agent Coulson looks embarrassed.

"What could be worse than your team blowing a hole in The Bus?" he snaps back.

"I don't know that you would call it worse, sir." He reasoned slowly. "You know Natasha and James, right?"

Nick Fury glared at him. "Uh, yeah? I recruited them."

"So, don't get mad, but the SHIELD agents have been betting when they'll finally get together," he began slowly, setting the scene for...something. Nick Fury had a bad feeling about this. Then Coulson continued describing the bet, as if it was a burden off of his shoulders. "I personally thought they might take decades, but Steve" -that would be Captain America- "was pretty sure they would be together within the week, because he knows more about James than any of us do and I'm sure James confides in him every now and then. And Tony"-that would be Iron Man- "bet $100,000 that they wouldn't, considering how long it took for his relationship with Ms. Potts to develop, and we upped the stakes and-"

"What?" He huffed. He looked outside his office. There were more people in the building than usual. Some groups were talking animatedly and excited. Others looked crestfallen. But the one thing they were doing? They were _slacking off._ He needed to give them a piece of his mind. And soon. And why in the hell was Phil so indirect today?

Nick Fury was afraid to ask the next question. "And...did they?"

"Did they what?"

"Did they… end up together?"

Agent Phil Coulson immediately put on a blank expression.

"I think you need to see for yourself, sir."


	2. Chapter 2

They made their way to The Bus. Nick Fury saw more agents surrounding the airplane, which didn't make sense to him, because the plane looked just fine from the outside.

"Can you tell me why we are all at The Bus?"

Phil Coulson looked steadfastly ahead.

An agent explained, "The janitor almost disturbed whatever went on in there before he came running out to tell everyone what he thought he saw."

Nick Fury groaned. Even the janitor was in on this.

The agent confessed, "We know what happened in The Bus, but we're all afraid to go in and see for ourselves. Because you know what happens when we do that. You interrupt WinterWidow at an inopportune time and it gets all awkward between them again and then they act like nothing happened." The others nodded in agreement.

"You guys did not just come up with a name for them."

"You don't understand, Mr. Fury. If WinterWidow doesn't happen soon, everyone else suffers." The agent glared at a group of people. "I know you all would prefer that Natasha chooses Clint" referring to Hawkeye, and they giggled, "but you and I both know that if either one of them starts dating someone else, they're going to start picking fights with each other and disturb the peace. Break stuff, probably. Mission productivity will go down. We can't have that." He turn to Nick Fury seriously. "Sir, you can't go in there."

Productivity is already down today, Nick Fury thought, but he kept silent.

"Besides," a secretary said, clipboard in her hand, "we conducted a poll. The majority of agents here would rather have Natasha be with James. They have history together. They were both Russian spies. And...it's just obvious to us that they love each other."

"Well, whatever happens," someone else chimed in, "I came prepared. I happen to have a stash of popcorn in my office if anyone wants some." All the agents nodded their assent.

Exasperated, Nick finally asked, "What the fuck are you all talking about? What happened to the goddamn Bus?!" Agent Coulson still refused to look at him.

"Going forward, we, ah, may need more security for The Bus," were Coulson's cryptic words.


	3. Chapter 3

"I haven't checked in there yet either," Agent Coulson admitted, "so I don't know what to expect, but from what the janitor said, it's uh…ahem…_not pretty._"

They walked in from the side of The Bus.

OK, so there wasn't a giant hole this time, but…

The safety pamphlets were thrown about. Some of them were ripped in half. Did some the chairs actually get ripped from their spots? There were scratches on the walls. Was that a bloodstain on the floor? He also notices some broken windows here and there.

He's not sure he wants to find out what _else_ happened to The Bus, but he mucks up some courage and follows the trail of mass destruction to the command deck, where the lounge is located. He nearly falls off a loose step in the stairway and sees that it somehow managed to break in half. The railings are bent too. Coulson quickly shoots him a "not my fault this time" look.

And the bar. Half the cabinet and the shelves are devoid of alcohol. There's more glass on the floor, and he smells the expensive alcohol on the floor.

Nick Fury comes upon the two perpetrators. He watches as Natasha lazily opens her eyes and quickly look around. She catches his eye and her expression of calm immediately turns to shock. She immediately grabs some torn bedsheets to cover herself up. How the fuck did bedsheets get into the lounge…you know what, he doesn't want to know. He watches her tap James on the back, and sees him sit upright in panic and cover himself up too. And he sees that they're clutching each other's hands tightly, anticipating his wrath.

"What the hell happened in here?"

Without skipping a beat, James blurted, "Rogue possum," while rubbing the bruise on his face. Nick saw that his hands and arms were bleeding slightly. But he was clearly in a much better mood than he had been when he started with S.H.I.E.L.D. The agents were definitely wrong to think that Nick's interference would create more tension down the road.

"Are you actually _hurt?"_ Nick Fury asks. He immediately regrets the question.

"It was a hell of a possum," Natasha added with a straight face. "Very dangerous." The side of her lip was bleeding a little, too. She winces as she tilts her head slightly.

Nick Fury did not have a last name of Fury for nothing. But there were no words for this destruction. He couldn't even begin to figure out how things ended up like this. Well yes, sitting on the floor before him were the top two most deadly assassins trained in Russia. But…to cause mass destruction inside nearly the whole plane? _How?!_ No…he doesn't want to know about that either.

And then Coulson decided to pick that _exact_ moment to speak up. "So… can I talk to you about that fish tank now?"

Nick Fury sighed.

He fucking hates Mondays.


End file.
